Monday, December 9, 2013

But Why?

Beginnings are always difficult for me so I will start with… Hello… I'm Tania. Since I was little I loved asking questions and finding out why things are the way they are. Today, I'm 26 years old and I am still little, for the good Lord did not grace me with the gift of height, and still asking questions and figuring out why things are the way they are. I don't have all the answers, sometimes I have very few, but I'm willing to look for the answer and for me that feels like a good start. My reason for starting a blog is to share my ideas with others and find understanding in this ever-changing world by exchanging information in a respectful, compassionate way.

To give you a brief history on myself I am a Hispanic woman, first generation American, a pediatric visiting nurse, and recently endured the most chaotic, uprooting three years of my life. Through first hand experiences I've hurt, learned, accepted, and evolved all for the better. 

Life is traumatic. Through my experience as a nurse I've seen babies born and have been there as the elderly have taken their final breath; both experiences intensely beautiful and intensely painful. That's life- one giant contradiction. Take a second to realize we're on a big rock spinning in circles around a giant ball of fire in an endlessness of darkness. I'm not making that up- the Earth is in space, we revolve around the Sun, these are facts. How crazy is that? I look at that and say, that doesn't make sense! But it just is and we continue our lives everyday never thinking about it because we accept it and move on. Life doesn't always make sense. Sometimes people are cruel, unfortunate experiences happen to us but through acceptance and understanding we can move on and continue our lives without letting things affect us so deeply. 

I love to understand. I ask so many questions because I truly want to have an understanding of a subject. I'm sure in college I annoyed people in class with my constant questions and participation but if I was going to learn something I wanted to understand it the best way I could. I was donned a teacher's pet many times over but it was because I took personal time out to speak to my teachers and professors to further my understanding. Go figure that teachers like students who enjoy learning :). Through my constant openness to new information I was able to do much more than gather the facts I requested, I unintentionally learned how to create connections with people. 

Looking back I realize how many of my teachers and professors treated me like a peer rather than a child. Through our discussions after class, one on one, they would open up and tell me about their lives, their experiences and how they got where they were. As a kid I thought I was weird because I really did want to create positive relationships with my teachers. I thank my endless need of approval for that but what ended up happening was magical and it's a lesson I only recently learned. Understanding and respect is made possible through open, respectful communication. My teachers treated me like an equal because I respected them and brought new ideas to the table they had never considered. Through open, respectful discussion I was able to understand and be understood. In this age of technology basic social skills have been lost. We don't know how to interact and empathize with one another anymore. Social events cause many people immense amounts of anxiety. We live in a time where we take our freedom of speech for granted and only use it to judge and hurl hateful words at others. This has to change. 

To learn, a person must be willing to confront the truth and accept the answer even if it makes them uncomfortable. They must also be willing to share and accept information in a non-judgmental way. This is a struggle for most people because our convictions are what makes up our everyday lives. Remember when you were a kid and you learned something new and it just blew your mind in the most exciting way? "You mean the moon isn't made out of cheese?!" Somewhere along the line we lose the excitement and openness to learn new information because our fear of being wrong gets in the way. 

For some reason when we get to a certain age we convince ourselves that we have to know all the answers and if we don't it means we're huge failures. So when we don't know the answer we feel defensive and lash out just because we can't admit that we don't know something. So many times when I was growing up my father would tell me I couldn't do something or go somewhere. I would ask why and he would respond with, "Because, NO! Because I'm your father and I say so." As a kid this would infuriate me and make me feel small but I would always confidently retort back before storming away, "That's not an answer!" As I grew up, my father and I butt heads because I wanted to understand and he was unable to communicate. What I didn't know then which I know now is that he couldn't communicate because he didn't know how- he was never taught and is too stubborn to admit it. Now that I'm older I understand that "Because I said so!" means, "Because I love you and I'm scared you'll get hurt. Because losing you would be devastating to me." But only through having an open-mind, love and compassion did I come to understand him.  

What I'm trying to do with this blog is share information and insight through personal/professional experience, research and real individual's anecdotes. All I have ever wanted in life is understand why things are the way they are and use that information to help others. I chose my profession to help ease the suffering of others. As I grow older I recognize that individual's (myself included) don't know how to communicate with one another or cope emotionally. There has been a complete lack of focus on individual's mental and emotional wellbeing in this country. I want to do whatever I can to change that. I'm starting with a blog. So… That's why.  

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